TOP 7 TIPS FOR CHOOSING A SPOUSE

PEARLS OF WISDOM FROM MY VERY CLEVER MUM

 

Last week my parents (above) celebrated their 43^rd wedding anniversary. 

Really?! Honestly? Who even does that these days. Man, I barely managed 5 years (and 2 of those we were separated and living on different continents – that's how married we were). Anyway, this lasting marriage business got me wondering how it was possible. So I asked my mum and she reckons it's all in the choosing. 

These are her Top 7 Tips for Choosing a Spouse 

1.BE PATIENT & TAKE TIME TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER

My mum's father and my dad's grandfather were bosom buddies all their lives. Though my mum and dad didn't meet until they were in their twenties and didn't marry until they were 26 and 31 respectively, they knew each other and each other's families inside out.

2. CHOOSE SOMEONE YOU SHARE CHARACTERISTICS WITH

When Tom and I got married, we'd known each other for about 5 months and were still very charmed by how very different we were.. He is super organised. I'm flighty like a chicken. Those same differences quickly came back to bite us in the bum.

3. LOOKOUT FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS QUALITIES YOU ADMIRE

My parents both came from working class backgrounds. They were raised modestly and taught a whole lot of honesty, reliability, emotional generosity, kindness, tolerance and respect. When it came to choosing a life's partner, those are the traits they looked for, because those are the traits they'd seen their parents practise to make married life work.

4. CHOOSE SOMEONE FROM THE SAME FAITH

They don't need to practice the same as you or to the same degree that you do, but at least you'd have the same faith in common. I'm a Muslim, Tom is a lapsed Christian who embraced Islam to marry me. A short while into our marriage and faith became a big nail in our marriage coffin.

5. FIND SOMEONE YOU CAN BE YOURSELF AROUND

My mum is fiery, is involved in every committee in the area and loves being in the thick of things. My dad ruminates and loved the solitude of fishing when he was still able to fish. They adapted to marriage and to each other, clashed mightily, and yet never put pressure on one other to be anything other than themselves. 

6. FIND SOMEONE YOU CAN TALK TO

Looks fade and desires change so choose someone you enjoy talking to and who enjoys talking to you. Couples often identify lack of communication as the main reason for their marriage breakup. 43 years later and my parents still talk deep into the night about everything.

7. BE OPEN ABOUT MONEY AND CHILDREN

So many couples go into marriage assuming that their partner wants children as much as they do, and are bitterly disappointed when it turns out to not be the case. Often the disappointment is too great to bear and the marriage falls apart. The same applies to money matters - how you will handle it, and who will take care of what. Prevent future disillusionment and be transparent about what you expect. 

Looking back, I wish I'd known or listened to my mum when she was trying to guide me. But hindsight is, as they say, an exact science and we live and learn. 

If you have any great tips for choosing a spouse then drop them in the comment section below. And if you liked this, then Like and Subscribe to receive more. 

On to Happiness!

XXX

Amiena

My radiant mum and her proud dad entering the wedding venue